Is this for real? This is for real.

by bethanybump

I’m on this new being-brutally-honest-with-myself kick. And anyone who I spend any time with lately might know that I’m trying to be a genuinely better, more positive person. It doesn’t always work, but the effort is there. I’m at a loss lately. What do you do when a friend brings you down? When they just become a toxic, negative part of your life? It makes me sad because I truly appreciate any and all of my friendships, and like any relationship, I know they take work to maintain. But, how long can one person go on constantly being the person whose only role in a friendship is to give advice, support, be a shoulder, uplift and work constantly at having to put the other in a better mood? As someone’s friend, I’m usually not wary of having to play this role. I will do it, and I will do it happily. I love being supportive, giving advice I think someone needs to hear and being uplifting if I can. But when it’s a one-way street, when the other person becomes so self-centered that they can’t even pull their mind out of their own thoughts for one second to genuinely give a shit about their friend, what do you do? What do you do? I refuse to be a doormat in relationships. I refuse to sit down and let someone treat me consistently bad. If I know a friend might be in a funk for a few days, I can put up with it. But if it’s all the relationship has come to be (for years now), what am I getting out of it? I’ve never thought someone needs to be concerned with what they get out of a friendship. But I’m not longer afraid to ask myself that. What am I getting out of it? I need to be selfish for once.