Currently on my mind this week…

by bethanybump

I have never been a person that somebody hated. I’m talking, genuinely hated. Not a casual “Oh, I hate you so much for this or that.” But a seething long term hatred. Until the last year. And despite what anyone else thinks of me I have and *still am* comfortable with myself as a human being, and I know that I am a decent human being. More than that, I know that I’m a good one. So looking at myself from this perspective is slightly startling, and jarring — to be honest. Which is why I could no longer do so. I don’t need to look at myself from anybody else’s perspective. I’m confident in myself as a decent human being, and frankly, that’s all that gets me through the day.

On another thought,

I’m torn this semester between feeling comfortable and feeling melancholy. I know I will be more at ease when I have graduated from here and am on my own doing as I please and working hard at a job I love, or that makes me money. If I’m lucky, the two won’t be mutually exclusive. But I do want out from this university. Fairly soon. Until then, sometimes the sun will be shining, I can smell the air and the right song will be on. And everything else fades away…

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