Delicate

“I have loved to the point of madness, that which is called madness, that which to me is the only sensible way to love.” —Francoise Sagan

December nights

For late nights at work when all you feel like doing is going for a long walk under holiday lights with a cup of hot chocolate and the boy you’re smitten with.

Photo via Tumblr.

In love and in life

“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.” Charles Bukowski

Image via Fanpop.

New slate

Once in a great while, the slate can’t be wiped clean until a good cry comes and goes. Unfortunately, that cry isn’t always easy to muster. Instead, it just builds and builds for a while, waiting to be let out.

Loose ends

No one lives life perfectly. And I wish I could keep grace under pressure the way I was able to a mere few months ago. It’s so odd. My body is always tired. But it’s hard for me to sleep when I need to. Or I fall asleep unexpectedly when I shouldn’t. My mind is tired, but it never rests. Thoughts keep racing. I either have too many that I’m unable to process, or I have none and initial thoughts dissipate before they fully form. Coffee makes me jittery, not alert. I constantly want to sleep and unload. But I can’t because I have too much to do. But I find it getting harder to do things. Where is my focus? Where is my mind? Where is my energy? Exercise generally gives me energy, but my daily battle with food saps me of self control.

The end is actually almost here. But all I see are so many loose ends that I stand here immobilized and uncertain.

I need space. Open space. It needs to stop raining. It needs to be dry so I can lay in the grass and process everything. I feel closed in right now. Claustrophobic. Searching for empty spaces. I can’t find any. And I feel ready to burst.

Just a calendar day

Everyday I wake up late.
Since I quit my day job I have been sane.
But responsibilities sure do remain, but I’ll just let them wait.

Because I don’t know what I am doing now,
and I wont try to act like it cause I sure don’t know how.
And I’ll admit that I don’t know, just where I’m going on this long and winding road
that’s taking me to what will be my home.

So stare and see that this is me,
and I will be just what I need to believe
that something is what I’m gonna be.
And what you do is what you do and what I do needs to be true.
The things I do maybe need to be thought through,
but just remember what’s right for me, might be not right for you.

Staring at this mirror and I’m wondering who you are.
Right now is a time for searching and I just wish I had a car
to drive a long distance and just think about the war,
and now life’s got so much more.

Because I don’t know what I am doing now,
and I wont try to act like it cause I sure don’t know how.
And I’ll admit that I don’t know, just where I’m going on this long and winding road
that’s taking me to what will be my home.

So stare and see that this is me,
and I will be just what I need to believe
that something is what I’m gonna be.
And what you do is what you do,
and what I do needs to be true.
The things I do maybe need to be thought through…
But I know what I want to do and I want it to be true.
And yeah I’d be the first to say that of course I’ll listen to you,
but remember what’s right for me, might be not right for you

**

Sometimes lyrics are applicable to life. Most of the time, Bryce writes stuff that is just so damn honest, so freaking real and honest that I can think about his words for days and days. Today, on the drive home I played this song and felt like he was singing my soul. Jeez, what a perfect man.